X-Post from a Terp Runner

To Whom It May Concern:

It has come to my attention that a grievous error has been present in at least the past four (4) Maryland Club Running Weekly Emails. It can be seen in the most recent email I am replying to under the heading 8. Fun Stuff, sub-heading SPRING FORMAL. If you direct your attention to the first sentence in that section, you can read the following: “For the first time in Club Running history, we will have a SPRING FORMAL!”

That statement is simply not true.

I know first hand that a Club Running Spring Formal was held in May of 2013 at the (now defunct) Clarion Inn on Route 1. If need be, I can supply photographs of this event that will positively identify myself attending the formal as well as a timestamp that places the formal in the spring season of the year 2013.

To read this administration so confidently assert that they are, in fact, the first to schedule a Spring Formal has, to say the least, disgusted me. I expect more from a club that prides itself in respecting its history and those that came before them.

If this error is not corrected, I will be forced to take more aggressive action against this administration. I am looking forward to your response.

Chris Steenkamer
UMD Club Running ’12-’16

Election Update from the Office of the Vice President

The 2018 Club Running election is only one day in; yet, several positions are already hotly contested. Surprising results from the early polls show unexpected voting patterns in nearly every position. Look for blog posts from the Office of the Vice President for the most up to date results and analysis for the 2018 Club Running election.

In an interesting twist, the Presidential election is being won largely by write-in candidates. While no candidate—write-in or otherwise—has a majority at this point, the insistence of the voters to write in candidates despite the ballot having no such option should be noted. Either they love the candidates they are writing in or they despise the candidates offered on the ballot. Some of the more humorous write-ins are Rundies, Tenty McTentleson, and, of course, the ever persistent Mickey Mouse. For a visualization of the current situation see Figure 1.

Figure 1: 2018 Presidential Election Poll Results.

Two people are running for Sprint Captain. Someone is winning.

The election for Treasurer is tightly contested so the Office will refrain from comment until the election is closed and the votes are tallied. Also tallying the votes is complicated in a multi-position election. The Office will wait to perform that task until the last possible second. The computer will be set a-crunching most likely during the picture slide show at formal.

Early polls suggest that I Abstain is pulling ahead of Ms. “Weiner” Heiges by a margin of 70 points. Based on past elections, Heiges’s recovery is unlikely though still possible. A similar gap was overcome in the unprecedented election of President Blassino in 2017. The election of Ms. Heiges would be further evidence of the decreasing apathy of the electorate. A rather disturbing trend for vested interests that rely on the uninformed.

Due to a scandal involving fraudulent cans in the beer mile, Daniel Brigss has withdrawn from the race citing “a desire to focus on family.” In accordance with the voters’ desires, Brigss’s votes will be recast for Daniel Briggs.

An Open Letter to Candidates

Recently, many people have asked me who I thought would be a good officer, or whether I thought they would be a good officer. At first I would rattle off a list of names along with their accompanying positions. As I have thought about it more, the list of names has grown longer so that my recommendations for positions have doubled-up. Now, I know the club has two treasurers but I think three plus social chairs would be a bit excessive.

Originally my qualifications for a candidate where based on my perception of how they would handle the office right now. But, people rise to their responsibilities. I have little worry that anyone could handle the tasks of any position.

I think the only qualification for anyone is that they understand what makes this team great. We are not great because we race an arbitrary distance in an arbitrary time. We are not great because we have a kick ass training plan. Nor are we great because we throw parties into the wee hours of the morning.  This team is great—as Katrina put it—because anyone who wants to be here is welcome: the only requirement is that they show-up.

And people stay because this team is a refuge from all the things in life that assail them. I would run out of fingers and toes if I tried to count all the people who have told me in the past year that they need to run every day. They cite their addiction to the act of running or their need to socialize. The friendships and comradery have gotten many through rough patches. They love it here. Officers in every position need to understand and respect that.

Every action, decision, and policy needs to be done, made, and created with that greatness in mind. I look forward to passing the mantel to the next administration. I am excited to see the ways they will affect the club and its members for the better. And I hope they understand the responsibility of their positions.