Conspiracy Theories??

For my first official blog post, I couldn’t come up with enough of my own original worthy content so I decided to dive deep into the culture of this team and explore some of the rumors that have been circulating over time. Are they real? Are they wonky? Will we ever know the truth?

Disclaimer: All conspiracy theories were submitted by active members of Maryland Club Running and have been deemed possibly true. They are posted anonymously to avoid any direct tension between members of the team. You can only fantasize about who claims such facts.

And with that being said, enjoy these conspiracy theories!

“Freshmen who don’t go to nationals get cut.”

“All the club officers are out to get the 4807 boiz.”

“Club Run is our real name.”

“Shannon is blood doping.”

“Our guys and girls teams will train really well and race super well at Nationals in the fall without other NIRCA teams thinking we could be particularly good.”

“There may or may not be someone getting iced at the beer mile….”

“Katrina’s hair is a wig.”

“It was actually hiro that broke and stole the hurdles.”

“Hiro and Luanne teamed up to change the 2017 election votes so that they would win and fulfill their goal.”

“Kehoe gets extra windy when the club team is doing a workout.”

“Mitch’s favorite band is Nickelback.”

“What do you mean? Kareem is going to take over the club by meming everyone.”

“Briggs and Ellen are the same person I mean have you even ever seen them in the same room together??”

“All the guys who ran in MoCo think they are super cool, but really they all just peaked in high school and are holding on to that forever.”

“Racing a 10k on the track is like cancer.”

“MICHAEL, AM I GAY?!?!?!”

“Ryun Anderson is not actually a single person, but rather a group of Kenyan undercover agents who have infiltrated the American distance running community. Every day we see a new Ryun Anderson, who is actually a different Kenyan runner who painted his body white in the morning. Why does Ryun not live on campus? Because you can’t fit 20 Kenyans in a dorm. Why can Ryun do 3+ workouts a day? A different runner is running them each time. Why does Ryun never need to stretch? Because after running one workout the Kenyan that is currently posing as Ryun knows that he has 19 workouts until he actually has to run another one. Why did Ryun run a 90 second leg of the 4×4 at American? Because the Kenyan had never seen ice before and was mystified by the ice on the curve.”

“Terp Runners used to haze hard until the event with Iain.”

“Mandatory easy run everyday(—that’s not a secret, I just want it to happen).”

“The team is just a front for 4807 boys to host parties.”

“Jack Wavering is secretly The Wolverine.”

“Luanne actually isn’t a busy person-she averages 12 hours of sleep per night.”

“Dan and Jacob Grant are two halves of the same person.”

“Briggs is actually a nice, normal, not idiotic person but just acts the way he does to keep us all entertained and save others from being the butt of the joke.”

“Adolfo was fired from his job at Looney’s a long time ago but doesn’t want us to know so he just goes there for 20+ hours a week and sits at the bar and drinks.”

“Terp Runners was an underground society founded in the 90’s with the primary purpose making money as a bookie for PG underground foot races but CRS started catching on to our undocumented income so we had to pull strings with the University to get CRS disbanded and replaced with Recwell. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen until after CRS submitted a claim to the IRS regarding our illegal income and promotion of illegal activity. To avoid getting in trouble with the IRS. We decided to change our name to Maryland Club Running under a new tax ID and dissolve Terp Runners so they wouldn’t be be able to trace us. This name change was only to avoid legal repercussions from the government. Once the last of the Cahalan Administration graduates from this University, the money illegally obtained through this underground gambling ring will be anonymously donated to Maryland Club Running.”

4 thoughts on “Conspiracy Theories??”

  1. The one about me is totally true. I guess if the secrets out, I can invite you all to Looneys. I’ll be singing karaoke on Tuesday night if anyone wants to come and watch me make a fool of myself. There’s also $1 tacos and $3 Coronas. $2 glasses of house wine. Just saying… tacos

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