Election Update from the Office of the Vice President

The 2018 Club Running election is only one day in; yet, several positions are already hotly contested. Surprising results from the early polls show unexpected voting patterns in nearly every position. Look for blog posts from the Office of the Vice President for the most up to date results and analysis for the 2018 Club Running election.

In an interesting twist, the Presidential election is being won largely by write-in candidates. While no candidate—write-in or otherwise—has a majority at this point, the insistence of the voters to write in candidates despite the ballot having no such option should be noted. Either they love the candidates they are writing in or they despise the candidates offered on the ballot. Some of the more humorous write-ins are Rundies, Tenty McTentleson, and, of course, the ever persistent Mickey Mouse. For a visualization of the current situation see Figure 1.

Figure 1: 2018 Presidential Election Poll Results.

Two people are running for Sprint Captain. Someone is winning.

The election for Treasurer is tightly contested so the Office will refrain from comment until the election is closed and the votes are tallied. Also tallying the votes is complicated in a multi-position election. The Office will wait to perform that task until the last possible second. The computer will be set a-crunching most likely during the picture slide show at formal.

Early polls suggest that I Abstain is pulling ahead of Ms. “Weiner” Heiges by a margin of 70 points. Based on past elections, Heiges’s recovery is unlikely though still possible. A similar gap was overcome in the unprecedented election of President Blassino in 2017. The election of Ms. Heiges would be further evidence of the decreasing apathy of the electorate. A rather disturbing trend for vested interests that rely on the uninformed.

Due to a scandal involving fraudulent cans in the beer mile, Daniel Brigss has withdrawn from the race citing “a desire to focus on family.” In accordance with the voters’ desires, Brigss’s votes will be recast for Daniel Briggs.

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