Conspiracy Theories??

For my first official blog post, I couldn’t come up with enough of my own original worthy content so I decided to dive deep into the culture of this team and explore some of the rumors that have been circulating over time. Are they real? Are they wonky? Will we ever know the truth?

Disclaimer: All conspiracy theories were submitted by active members of Maryland Club Running and have been deemed possibly true. They are posted anonymously to avoid any direct tension between members of the team. You can only fantasize about who claims such facts.

And with that being said, enjoy these conspiracy theories!

“Freshmen who don’t go to nationals get cut.”

“All the club officers are out to get the 4807 boiz.”

“Club Run is our real name.”

“Shannon is blood doping.”

“Our guys and girls teams will train really well and race super well at Nationals in the fall without other NIRCA teams thinking we could be particularly good.”

“There may or may not be someone getting iced at the beer mile….”

“Katrina’s hair is a wig.”

“It was actually hiro that broke and stole the hurdles.”

“Hiro and Luanne teamed up to change the 2017 election votes so that they would win and fulfill their goal.”

“Kehoe gets extra windy when the club team is doing a workout.”

“Mitch’s favorite band is Nickelback.”

“What do you mean? Kareem is going to take over the club by meming everyone.”

“Briggs and Ellen are the same person I mean have you even ever seen them in the same room together??”

“All the guys who ran in MoCo think they are super cool, but really they all just peaked in high school and are holding on to that forever.”

“Racing a 10k on the track is like cancer.”


“Ryun Anderson is not actually a single person, but rather a group of Kenyan undercover agents who have infiltrated the American distance running community. Every day we see a new Ryun Anderson, who is actually a different Kenyan runner who painted his body white in the morning. Why does Ryun not live on campus? Because you can’t fit 20 Kenyans in a dorm. Why can Ryun do 3+ workouts a day? A different runner is running them each time. Why does Ryun never need to stretch? Because after running one workout the Kenyan that is currently posing as Ryun knows that he has 19 workouts until he actually has to run another one. Why did Ryun run a 90 second leg of the 4×4 at American? Because the Kenyan had never seen ice before and was mystified by the ice on the curve.”

“Terp Runners used to haze hard until the event with Iain.”

“Mandatory easy run everyday(—that’s not a secret, I just want it to happen).”

“The team is just a front for 4807 boys to host parties.”

“Jack Wavering is secretly The Wolverine.”

“Luanne actually isn’t a busy person-she averages 12 hours of sleep per night.”

“Dan and Jacob Grant are two halves of the same person.”

“Briggs is actually a nice, normal, not idiotic person but just acts the way he does to keep us all entertained and save others from being the butt of the joke.”

“Adolfo was fired from his job at Looney’s a long time ago but doesn’t want us to know so he just goes there for 20+ hours a week and sits at the bar and drinks.”

“Terp Runners was an underground society founded in the 90’s with the primary purpose making money as a bookie for PG underground foot races but CRS started catching on to our undocumented income so we had to pull strings with the University to get CRS disbanded and replaced with Recwell. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen until after CRS submitted a claim to the IRS regarding our illegal income and promotion of illegal activity. To avoid getting in trouble with the IRS. We decided to change our name to Maryland Club Running under a new tax ID and dissolve Terp Runners so they wouldn’t be be able to trace us. This name change was only to avoid legal repercussions from the government. Once the last of the Cahalan Administration graduates from this University, the money illegally obtained through this underground gambling ring will be anonymously donated to Maryland Club Running.”

X-Post from a Terp Runner

To Whom It May Concern:

It has come to my attention that a grievous error has been present in at least the past four (4) Maryland Club Running Weekly Emails. It can be seen in the most recent email I am replying to under the heading 8. Fun Stuff, sub-heading SPRING FORMAL. If you direct your attention to the first sentence in that section, you can read the following: “For the first time in Club Running history, we will have a SPRING FORMAL!”

That statement is simply not true.

I know first hand that a Club Running Spring Formal was held in May of 2013 at the (now defunct) Clarion Inn on Route 1. If need be, I can supply photographs of this event that will positively identify myself attending the formal as well as a timestamp that places the formal in the spring season of the year 2013.

To read this administration so confidently assert that they are, in fact, the first to schedule a Spring Formal has, to say the least, disgusted me. I expect more from a club that prides itself in respecting its history and those that came before them.

If this error is not corrected, I will be forced to take more aggressive action against this administration. I am looking forward to your response.

Chris Steenkamer
UMD Club Running ’12-’16

The Life of an Aquajogger

Short post here about the life of an Aquajogger.

The Aquajogger wakes up around 9:30am and immediately realizes that because today is a new day…the aquajogger has yet to get an aquajogging session in. After meandering around for a few hours, the aquajogger realizes that it is already 1:30pm and he has done nothing substantial yet except justify the necessity of eating 2000 calories before noon just to keep his body functioning. After some brief internet searches on anything a human can possibly do that is comparable (cardiovascularally) to the benefits of aquajogging (and coming up with none) the aquajogger then proceeds to look online for the aquatic center deep section time schedule. As with the day before, the aquajogger is alarmed to find that he/she only has 1.5 hours until the deep section is closed for “cleaning” (whatever that means). Rushing to get on a bathing suit and get the necessary equipment, the aquajogger makes it to the pool with exactly one hour to workout. After 10 minutes of warming up (or, more truthfully, 10 minutes of frantically thinking of a hard workout), the workout begins. 10 minutes have passed. 15 minutes have passed. 17 minutes have passed. Ah shit you just realized that you looked at your watch 25 seconds ago and the time didn’t change by 20 minutes like you expected it would. Just as you begin to wonder why the hell you are doing this when you could be watching the new Black Mirror episodes, you realize that you are at the most integral part of the workout: where the champions are separated from the wannabees. Does the aquajogger, bored out of his mind, CHANGE his workout to conclude after just 30 minutes in the pool, ending all hope of maintaining his current fitness level…or does he continue the 60 minute workout he promised himself he would complete and truly discover his potential as a runner.

The answer is that he chooses the 30 minute option and sits in the sauna for 30 minutes for a “60 minute workout.”

After sending the necessary snapchats to ensure everyone knows how hard the aquajogger is working, he returns home, triumphant and a hero. He then changes into his most comfortable sweatpants, hops on the couch and takes a nap of champions.

This is the life of an aquajogger.

365 days of running!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello fellow running enthusiasts! While I’m not one to brag I did a thing that I thought would be cool to share. This past year starting December 29th 2016 I decided I would run at least 1.61 kilometers or 1 mile a day for a year. I’m proud to say after 365 days of putting one foot in front of the other I’ve done it. So what does 1 year of running in Rylan’s shoes look like? My physical/spiritual journey took me to 7 states, 6 countries, saw me cover roughly 2,500 miles, destroy 4 pairs of running shoes, drink 18 gallons of chocolate milk, and burn roughly 215,000 calories (for the record that’s 860 packages of peanut M&M’s). I ran through colonial capitals, up volcanos, past giant soybean statues, and even took a stab at the now infamous historic Berwyn running tour. Looking back I’ve found these experiences, extraordinary for a reason, that surprised even myself. Every day I have been fortunate enough to wake up thinking today I’m going to go for a run. Regardless of the weather, location, people, or life situation I could be certain that I would lace up my running shoes and go out for a run. This unwavering commitment to something so small and meaningless might confuse a lot of people, but to me it opened my eyes to the wonders of dedication and passion. Such passion has led me to meet other running obsessed individuals who, even though they put my hat on the flagpole and made fun of my aqua jogging, I would consider some of my most best friends. So where does this leave you, UMD Club Running blog readers. Maybe you’re already an avid runner or perhaps I made you read this and you absolutely detest bipedal movement. Whatever your situation I encourage you to start a streak of your own whether it be running related or not you are sure to find something special from it!

Here’s to many more years of running and new streaks for the new year!

More Routes

The route-master extraordinaire has returned with more new routes for all to enjoy. In this edition, we have routes of both short and long length, so there’s bound to be something for everyone. I will not be including pictures of the routes in this post in order to keep it from reaching a colossal size, but feel free to click on the links to get a better view of the routes.

Lakes/ New Neighborhoods (5.72 miles): This route takes you through a new townhouse / neighborhood type thing off of greenbelt road, around a small lake, then back along lake artemesia. Also, about halfway through this route you can take a left once you get off of the trail and cross greenbelt road to get to Berwyn, if you’re looking for a longer run. Additionally, there’s a water fountain on this route, so that’s a plus. Look for it in the neighborhood. IMPORTANT NOTE: The trail is so new that the most recent satellite pictures from google maps do not show the trail, so if you look on the map and don’t see it, don’t worry, it’s there.

Greenbelt Roadkill (8.84 miles): Despite it’s name, this run is relatively safe, and there’s a beautiful lake you can run around. Pretty much a straight shot up greenbelt road, you’ll reach lakecrest drive around 3.4 miles, and once there, you can run around lake greenbelt, which is about a mile around, and on a nice gravel/ dirt trail. You can also run back through greenbelt park if you want, but that adds extra mileage to your run.

Lost (8.53 miles): Brought to you by Ryun, this run starts the exact same way as greenbelt roadkill, but you cross greenbelt road once you get to the greenbelt park entrance. Then, you take a left and follow the road all the way through the park, and down good luck road on to campus drive and back to campus. Beware of hills. Route name courtesy of Dab King himself.

Long neighborhoods (6.55 miles): This route is the OG “new route” I came up with last year. It’s your standard neighborhoods, but with around 2 miles added on around the university hills duck pond. You can also just do the duck pond part and head back to campus if you want to do a short run (~4 miles), or you can add on metro if you want to do a longer run (~9 miles).

PG Plaza (6.98 miles): This route has been around for a while, but it wasn’t on the website so I figured I would add it to this post. Run along adelphi road as if you were going to do neighborhoods, but don’t turn on to Well’s parkway, and instead run towards a tall building you will see on your right. Once at the plaza, CAREFULLY cross east-west highway (preferably at a stoplight) and run until you find a trail on your left, which will lead you to south-northwest, which you can take back to campus.

Hammock Park/ Art District (5.39 miles): This run takes you to the new hammock park in the art district off of river road. From the park, you can take many routes back to campus, ranging from simply turning around to hopping on riverdale. Also, with the completion of a bridge over the metro tracks, this route could be a loop which can loop back to south campus, but we’ll have to wait until the bridge is completed. I have it as an out-and-back on the map.

That’s all for now, I’ve got a few ideas for some more routes, but I’d like to run them first to see if they are actually viable. Thanks for reading, and happy running!



Election Update from the Office of the Vice President

The 2018 Club Running election is only one day in; yet, several positions are already hotly contested. Surprising results from the early polls show unexpected voting patterns in nearly every position. Look for blog posts from the Office of the Vice President for the most up to date results and analysis for the 2018 Club Running election.

In an interesting twist, the Presidential election is being won largely by write-in candidates. While no candidate—write-in or otherwise—has a majority at this point, the insistence of the voters to write in candidates despite the ballot having no such option should be noted. Either they love the candidates they are writing in or they despise the candidates offered on the ballot. Some of the more humorous write-ins are Rundies, Tenty McTentleson, and, of course, the ever persistent Mickey Mouse. For a visualization of the current situation see Figure 1.

Figure 1: 2018 Presidential Election Poll Results.

Two people are running for Sprint Captain. Someone is winning.

The election for Treasurer is tightly contested so the Office will refrain from comment until the election is closed and the votes are tallied. Also tallying the votes is complicated in a multi-position election. The Office will wait to perform that task until the last possible second. The computer will be set a-crunching most likely during the picture slide show at formal.

Early polls suggest that I Abstain is pulling ahead of Ms. “Weiner” Heiges by a margin of 70 points. Based on past elections, Heiges’s recovery is unlikely though still possible. A similar gap was overcome in the unprecedented election of President Blassino in 2017. The election of Ms. Heiges would be further evidence of the decreasing apathy of the electorate. A rather disturbing trend for vested interests that rely on the uninformed.

Due to a scandal involving fraudulent cans in the beer mile, Daniel Brigss has withdrawn from the race citing “a desire to focus on family.” In accordance with the voters’ desires, Brigss’s votes will be recast for Daniel Briggs.

An Open Letter to Candidates

Recently, many people have asked me who I thought would be a good officer, or whether I thought they would be a good officer. At first I would rattle off a list of names along with their accompanying positions. As I have thought about it more, the list of names has grown longer so that my recommendations for positions have doubled-up. Now, I know the club has two treasurers but I think three plus social chairs would be a bit excessive.

Originally my qualifications for a candidate where based on my perception of how they would handle the office right now. But, people rise to their responsibilities. I have little worry that anyone could handle the tasks of any position.

I think the only qualification for anyone is that they understand what makes this team great. We are not great because we race an arbitrary distance in an arbitrary time. We are not great because we have a kick ass training plan. Nor are we great because we throw parties into the wee hours of the morning.  This team is great—as Katrina put it—because anyone who wants to be here is welcome: the only requirement is that they show-up.

And people stay because this team is a refuge from all the things in life that assail them. I would run out of fingers and toes if I tried to count all the people who have told me in the past year that they need to run every day. They cite their addiction to the act of running or their need to socialize. The friendships and comradery have gotten many through rough patches. They love it here. Officers in every position need to understand and respect that.

Every action, decision, and policy needs to be done, made, and created with that greatness in mind. I look forward to passing the mantel to the next administration. I am excited to see the ways they will affect the club and its members for the better. And I hope they understand the responsibility of their positions.

New Routes!

Mikey T’s Wild Wacky Day Off (8.5 miles):

I would recommend running this route with someone who has done it before if it’s your first time, but it just goes University blvd -> Drexel st -> sligo creek -> south northwest -> back to sph.


Briggs Beltway Bash (7.5 miles):

This one isn’t too hard to follow, just run on the trolley trail towards hamster cage but don’t turn towards hamster cage and keep running straight. Run on Rhode Island until you reach Sunnyside park, then follow the trail in the park to a tall building, then run back on Route 1 until you reach Cherry Hill, then take cherry chill back.


Cherry Kill (or Cherry don’t get yourself killed) (9.5 miles):

This one is pretty easy to follow, but I would avoid doing it with a large group, as you have to run on Cherry Hill rd, which is extremely sketchy. Go down cherry chill, then when you get to the end take a left, follow cherry hill until you reach sellman road, then run up the big hill and take a right on Montgomery back to route 1, then back to cherry chill and back to campus.


I’ll add more routes as they are discovered. S/o to Colin for the names

Tips from a freshman Terp Runner ;)

Hello past, present, and future Maryland Club Runners if you’ve made it this far congratulations either Briggs forced you onto his spiffy new website or you’re so dedicated you dug deep enough to find the blog. Regardless you’ve managed to find something super special… my first ever blog post!!! So sit back and relax as I take you through my top 4 tips for freshmen Terp Runners!

1. North by Northwest, Cherry Chill, Riverdale, which running route do I take?
Look I’ll be frank with you College Park may not seem like the best place to run, but in all honesty it’s not half bad. If all you’ve done for 4 years was jog around campus that’s your loss. There are miles of trails where you can go up hills, run around lakes, and even long run down to D.C. Whatever you choose to do just remember every Thursday, 4-7, is the Riverdale farmers market, hey food detours are always acceptable in my book.

2. Never underestimate the value of your guest pass
Like me maybe you got your dinning plan and said why would I need 6 guest passes I don’t know a single upperclassman at Maryland. That my friend is where you’ve gone wrong, guest passes are an invaluable commodity. Oh you’ve perfected the left hand swipe you say! The left hand swipe may often be seen as cold and disconnected instead show your favorite upperclassman some love and maybe tomorrows workout won’t be so hard.

3.What is Briggs’s real name?
I’m going to be honest with you… I don’t know. If you can figure out the real story behind why he’s called Briggs please let me know it’s been 6 weeks and all I’ve gotten is some story about a Trey sized bear and perpetually being known as a freshman.

4. Should I race? 8k’s/6k’s seem hard and why waste a perfectly good Saturday on running?
Should you? is this even a question of course you should! Okay to be fair we all know that feeling when you show up to a meet with the immense pressure of 2 coaches and an entire team on your shoulders. Well you’re on the club team now the only pressure should be to win the free candy bars the top 10 runners get. Maybe the heat got to you today and you couldn’t quite crack the top 10 never fear someone is always down for chipotle where you can celebrate that new Pr with a burrito bowl and the brand new chipotle queso. On another note if your race was in the state of Virginia that’s a prize unto itself.

Well there it is my first ever blog post! Hope you learned something because at the time of it’s posting this is officially a top 6 blog post. Have great evening and keep on running!

Your favorite freshman from Virginia!